Terri and Sharon wanted to play mommy and mommy, but when it wasn’t fun anymore, Sharon left. Now, Terri wants Andy to play daddy - or, more accurately, she wants London fireman Andy Bathie to pay like daddy.
The two lesbians were “married,” even going by the same last name, when they wanted to make a family. Going through a registered IVF clinic was too involved and too expensive, so they asked friend Andy if he wouldn’t mind contributing his sperm, not once, but twice.
Bathie was guaranteed he would have no financial responsibility, and agreed. Two children resulted: a girl, now four, and a disabled son, two. Because they were all friends, Andy came to play with the kids - he may even have bought the occasional present and necessity.
But now that Sharon Arnold has split, Terri Arnold is going after Andy for child support. Actually, because she was at risk of losing government money, Terri reported Andy to the child support agency, which is now relieving him of $1,000 every month.
Had the Arnolds used an IVF clinic, the government would be providing child support, and the anonymous donor would be off the hook.
Fireman Andy has since married and says he wants to have his own children, but now can’t afford them. He has launched a legal challenge, the first of its kind, to not be recognized as a legal parent.
Feeling hard done by, Terri says, “The money is not for me, it’s for the children’s food, clothes and shoes. This is about a principle,” she insists, adding, “I’ll fight all the way.”
Listen To “Letter From London”
The “principle” she is fighting for is to turn Bathie’s help, friendship and limited participation into an obligation because she can no longer pay her own way. Perhaps she should chase Sharon for child support if she is truly interested in “principle.”
The concept of what constitutes a nuclear family has changed. In Britain, gay civil partnerships are legally recognized.
Under proposed legislation, both women in a lesbian partnership who have children through IVF treatment or adoption will have equal responsibility, financial and otherwise. Both can be named on the baby’s birth certificate and according to the law, there is no need for such a child to have a father.
Equality cannot be a sometimes thing; both the Arnolds and the colluding child support agency need to recognize that.
In a heterosexual relationship, the Child Support Agency would be chasing the biological father. In this case, it needs to go after Sharon. To do any less does not give gay parents the full rights and responsibilities they fought for and makes them second-class parents.
Andy Bathie made an altruistic gesture, giving two people in a seemingly committed relationship two chances to have the family of their dreams. It should not now turn into his financial nightmare.
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